Time For Humor

From The American Horologist and Jeweler magazine, July, 1946

Time For Humor

Lunch Time-Piece

The applicant for a job hauling freight coast-to-coast was asked if he was acquainted with the several time zones.

"Sure am," he replied, "And I'm prepared, too! In my left-hand pocket I carry a watch for Eastern Standard time. In my right-hand pocket I carry a watch for Central time. On my left wrist I carry a watch for Rocky Mountain time. On my right wrist I carry a watch for Pacific Coast time.

And in my hip pocket I carry a big old size-18 hunting case!" "What do you carry that one for" he was asked.

"My lunch is in it," replied the applicant, "A guy gets hungry keeping track of all those watches!" 

-- Ted Douglas

* * * 

"Look, darling, here is a diamond engagement ring for you." "Oh, it it's beautiful. But, Honey, the diamond has a flaw in it!" "You shouldn't notice that. You're supposed to be in love-and love is blind!"


"Yes-but not stone blind!"

Floor Minutes Past Four!

Junior was playing watchmaker with the grandfather clock in the hall when his mother called from the kitchen, "Junior, what time is it?"

"I don't know exactly, Mom," replied Junior, "The little hand is on four, and the big hand is on the floor."

-- Ted Douglas

* * *

"I know he's the man for me, Mother. Every time he takes me in his arms, I can hear his heart pounding."

"Better be careful daughter. When your father was courting me, I was fooled for a year by his dollar watch!"

A Losing Battle!

The elevator pilot in an office building grew weary of repeated requests for the time. At last he put up a shelf in the corner of his elevator and placed a small clock on it. That stopped people from asking the time. Now they ask, "Is your clock right?"

* * * 

"Isn't it time he finished?" the weary pew-holder whispered as the preacher talked on and on.

"Time!" replied his companion, bitterly, "Time!" He's exhausted time and encroached upon eternity! 

Time For Humor

From The American Horologist and Jeweler magazine, July, 1946

Time For Humor

The Cad

It was the second week of their engagement and they sat before the cozy fire planning their future life and dreaming of their happiness. He was fondling her left hand and twisting the gorgeous diamond ring with which they had plighted their troth.

As he was admiring the gleaming fiery gem, he asked: "Tell me, dear, has anyone remarked about your engagement ring? Have your friends admired it? "

"Why, yes, dear," she answered. "Two of them not only admired it, but recognized it!"


A wedding ring may not be as tight as a tourniquet, but it certainly stops the wearer's circulation!

Highway Robbery!

A man who was motoring along the highway offered a stranger a lift. The stranger accepted. Shortly afterward the motorist noticed that his watch was missing.

Whipping out a revolver which he happened to be carrying, he dug it into the other man's ribs and exclaimed: "Hand over that watch!"

'The stranger meekly complied before allowing himself to be booted out of the car. When the motorist returned home he was greeted by his wife.

"How did you get on without your watch?" she asked. "I suppose you know that you left it on your dressing table?"

 Well. . . He Asked for It!

Little Dot, age four, was visiting her uncle. She was very fond of playing with his large, open-face watch and heavy gold chain. One day he held the watch by the chain, swinging it back and forth like a pendulum in front of her, and asked:

"Dot, what is it that runs when I run, and runs when I walk, and runs when I stand still?" The answer was obvious.

Quick as a flash she looked up at him and answered, "Your nose!" 

Time For Humor

From The American Horologist and Jeweler magazine, October, 1946

Time For Humor

His Mistake

The man who dropped his watch on the cement pavement took it to a jeweler to be repaired. In explanation of the condition of the watch, he said, "I am to blame, of course. I shouldn't have dropped it." 

"You couldn't help that," the jeweler replied. "The mistake you made was in picking it up." 

It's Enough to Give A Man Insomnia!

Not long ago an old gentleman came into my store, and laying down a pocket watch (a hunting movement in an open face case) asked, "Can you fix this watch so it will be all right for me to wind it at night before I go to bed?"

I looked at the watch and assured him it was a good watch, and that he could wind it at any time he wished.

"Are you sure?" he asked When I told him I was, he continued, "Well, I had the case changed not long ago, and the fellow who changed it said that it would wind at 3 o'clock-and it's a darned nuisance having to get up and wind it at 3 0 'clock all the time!

- W. L. Decker

And It Was, Too!

Two Irishmen, Pat and Mike, came over from Ireland together, and started to work on the same job in New York.

After a few paydays Pat bought a new watch; Mike was very anxious to see the new watch, and going up to Pat, he said: "Pat, what time is it?" Pat, not wanting Mike to know that he couldn't tell the time, pulled out the watch and showed it to Mike and blurted out.

"There it is!" Mike, not being able to tell time, gazed at the watch for a minute and said: "Well, I'll be dammed if it ain't!" 

Quick, Call a Cop!

Washington. - Two Georgia policemen attending an FBI training school in crime detection have some home work to do.

Sgt. Leonard J. Hallman of Savanah police and State Trooper John W. Robertson of Hinesville reported that a sneak thief ransacked their room, taking cash, two watches and other valuables.

Well, Why Didn't He Say So?

The following well serves as an example of how watch parts should not be ordered:

Swartchild and Company, Inc., of Chicago, Illinois, received an order from a Midwest watchmaker. The order consisted of a crude drawing of a watch, next to which was written: "I want the piece that holds down the wheel that winds the wheel that winds the watch. 

This piece has two screw holes. 

It was finally decided that what the customer had ordered was a "crown wheel washer." 

- Sue Conlan 

A Hair Raising Story!

A watch repairman in a small shop came to work one morning an hour and a half late.

The boss was irate. "How come you're so late?" he asked, gruffly.

"Couldn't help it," the man replied, "I was getting my hair cut." 

"Getting your hair cut!" the boss bellowed, "You mean to say you got your hair cut on the company's time?" 

"Certainly!" came the reply, "After all-it grew on the company's time, didn't it?"

* * *

That old story about the salesman trying to sell a CLOCK to a hill-billy by saying it would run eight DAYS without winding, and then being asked how long it would run if it was wound, brings to mind the case of a Chinese soldier in Seattle for some flying instruction. Never having seen a WATCH before, he decided to buy one.

The next DAY he brought it back, telling the jewelry clerk, "WATCH no good. No tickee." The clerk explained to him that in order for a WATCH to run, it would have to be wound every DAY.