From a Quacker to His Watchmaker
Submitted by EMANUAL SEIBEL
(This letter is supposed to have been written about 75 years ago).
"I herewith send thee my pocket clock which greatly standeth in need of thy friendly correction. The last time he was at thy friendly school, he was in no way reformed, nor in the least benefited thereby; for I perceive by the index of his mind that he is a liar, and the truth is not in him; that his motions are wavering and irregular; that his pulse is sometimes slow, which betokened not an even temper; at other times it waxeth sluggish notwithstanding I frequently urge him - when he should be on his duty - as thou knowest his usual name denoteth, I will find him slumbering or asleep - or, as the vanity of human reason phrases it - "catch him napping."
Examine him, therefore, and prove him, I beseesh thee, thoroughly, that thou mayest, by they being well acquainted with his inward frame and disposition, draw him from the error of his ways, and show him the path wherein he should go. It grieves me to think, and when I ponder thereon, I am verily of opinion that his body is foul and the whole mass is corrupted.
Cleanse him, therefore, with thy charming physic, from all pollution, that he may vibrate and circulate according to the truth. I will place him a few days under thy care, and pay for his board as thou requirest it.
I entreat thee friend John, to demena thyself on this occasion with right judgement, according to the gift which is in thee and prove thyself a superior workman. And when thou regulate his motion for the time to come by the motion of the light that ruleth the day, and when thou findeth him converted from the error of his ways, and more comfortable to the above mentioned rules, then do you send him home with a just bill of moderation, and it shall be sent to thee in the root of all evil.